Christian Counseling

Christian Counseling - Resolving Conflict in a Nutshell

By Michael Young

Problems happen. It starts with the problem of pulling the covers off and stepping out of bed. So far so good. You walk the dog, send the kids off to school, settle into work, then something happens. (You knew it would, right?)

Trouble can come from anywhere. A delayed product shipment causes a customer to miss a deadline. A employee (maybe even you!) promises more than your business could deliver. A client finds a defect in one of your best sellers that needs replacing right away.

We all know that missed deadlines are going to occur in life. Setbacks that strain relations between you and your friends. Setbacks that can cause anger and mistrust to build. Will this mean the end of a once strong relationship?

Not necessarily, when fractures rise between you and a client, it may be time for a difficult conversation. It is time to clear the air and address the setback that is causing trouble. But how do you keep a tough conversation from becoming a full-scale feud that forever damages relations with your client?

Here are 4 principles to get you through the hard talks that can make or break your business. Conflict triggers or your hot buttons as they are called, are the emotional pointers set off by the words or actions of others during ugly encounters. You feel triggered during conflict when you perceive the other person's talk or actions as threatening to your being in some way. Common obstacles include real or perceived threats to your competence, worth, freedom, and sense of being included.

Your hot buttons can mess you up in argument because they cause you to misconstrue, switch off, castigate, or go off on the wrong trail. They also trigger a set of emotional responses that may contribute to escalation.

When you are set off, your brain may encounter what is called a neural hijacking. The brain perceives a threat, trumpets an allusion and moves into combat. This taking over occurs so quickly that the conscious, thinking portion of the brain does not yet fully process what is happening.

So, you are slugging it out. While saying he rubs me the wrong way suggests it is the other persons job to leave you alone, only you can manage your own prompts. Everyone's bait is a little different, so what triggers me may not induce you. This is why attributing others for inducing you is not very productive. You squander time expecting them to change and do the right thing, when only you can change your own responses.

How do you avoid bait instead of point fingers? Here are some effective key points for discovering, noting, and controlling conflict prompts. Begin with looking your self. Keeping your balance during difficult circumstances is in a large part dependent upon the evaluation you do when you are not in difficult conversation.

Learn what prompts you and why you are triggered. Get down to the source. A coach is an excellent resource to walk you through the process. Skipping your intentions is like building a house without planning. Teach yourself other ways to handle it. Once you are less intense situations. You probably would not take Brain Surgery Made Easy and then offer your services as an guru. By using your new skills often when the critical situation develops, you will be better able to stay balanced and access your good skills.

In the middle of the tension, step back. Assess your emotions, responses and spoken communication. A hot face, perspiring, loud voice takes for your emotional flooding to recede.

Do not use venting as a default method. While it is a well used idea that venting makes people feel better and assists getting the emotional buzz out of the way, research suggests that if you use this practice over and over, the opposite effect occurs. While it may feel good in the moment, venting anger as your regular method may make you more angry and push your body and brain into a elevated state of anxiety or rage.

God's Word tells us in Proverbs 26:4,5 says, the fool must be answered but not in a foolish manner. Studies show that anger is a issue for every Christian. Sinful anger comprises roughly 90 percent of all counseling issues . While it is not wrong to act in anger since the goal of the emotion is to motivate. It is wrong if it is used improperly. It must be used to bring honor to God. After all, anger is a powerful motivator that God built into man for the purpose of moving him to Christian action. Rage and anger are two separate emotions. Anger is appropriate in communication of feelings in reverberation to someone's behavior. Jesus got angry. Mark writes to us that Jesus turned on the Pharisees in anger (3:5). John reminds us of Jesus driving out the moneychangers from the house of God (2:17). God, Himself is angry with the wicked everyday (Psalm 7:11).

To presuppose anger as wrong without qualification indicates a careless and immature use of scripture. Our emotional make up is from God. All of our emotions when used according to scripture are blessed. Emotions become destructive when we fail to use them in harmony with Biblical limitations and structures. The Bible also teaches us to be angry AND sin not! Biblically appropriate anger can become wrong anger in two ways. By the ventilation of anger and by the internalizing anger. That is by blowing up and clamming up. The Biblical way to handle anger is to focus it on the circumstance not toward the person. Deal with it as soon as possible, and regain the relationship. Putting the other before yourself.

Michael Young is an experienced life coach and writer who has coached people to success in their business and relationships. Do you want to see how Michael can help you bring your dreams to life? Click here Christian Life Coaching Life Coaching - Complimentary Session Click here Life Coaching Session

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